starlord.net

(in case you can’t tell… I am writing this tongue in cheek after frustration with the GaiaOnline “Aquarium” feature… or am I… muhahaa…)

Here’s an example: I’ve logged in faithfully for about a week, each day feeding the fish, checking the light, music, temperature, then clicking on the overseer.. The overseer always gives me a gift, usually it’s some similarly useless thing, like an octopus for my head.

Yet, slowly, my stats are improving. I have referenced the many guides on successful aquarium maintenance now, and feel confident in my ability to be a good fish keeper..

However, some days, in spite of my good habits, when I arrive online to check on things I find that, without any warning or provocation, two of my very happy healthy fish are now DEAD.

WTF?!

And this shocking news comes long before the fish’s life expectancy is due!

So goes another newish goldfish and my stable arrowfish, which may have been nearing its time yes, but, c’mon not that close and they were just fine yesterday!!

There is a thing about real world fish, you can usually tell when they get sick or are nearing death.. Not so for virtual fish? Hmm..? So suspicious! It didn’t raise any red flags initially, but after having had a few good fish simply die at random, it started to dawn on me that something sinister may be afoot!

So, like me, did you ever wonder what the overseer does all day, I mean, when you’re not around.. or, how they don’t seem to REALLY live up to their title and make tangible efforts to actually “oversee” your tank at all?

Let’s just take that thought into some consideration, and pretend a scenerio as if the overseer was an employee, let’s say it was hired help, working for your business. Their job per se was to oversee the storefront, and watch over things, like, let’s say, a fishtank.

Now let’s just say this fishtank of yours is the pride of the business, and so, it is displayed prominantly in public view. Given that, its overall health and functioning would reflect upon YOU as its owner, a living testament to how well you run your business.

Thus, after careful consideration of many applicants, you (the boss, or employer) hires the overseer as your newest employee– they come from a long line of overseers, highly recommended, and are now your skilled and entrusted worker.. After showing them around and given some basic training, you leave them alone to run the business, while you confidently go out to do your daily errands or other boss like things. As you return, you talk with your employee..

Boss: Hi, overseer!

Overseer: Hi, boss!

Boss: How’s the tank going?

Overseer: Great sir, just as you left it!

Boss: Just as I left it?

Overseer: Yes sir!

Boss: Did you feed the fish while I was out?

Overseer: Nope!

Boss: Decorate? I hear you have given out backgrounds in the past..

Overseer: Nah, I didn’t touch the background, it is as you left it!

Boss: Well the tank water seems to be clean, though I’ve never has issues there. I’m not sure if I keep it warm enough though, did you happen to check the temp?

Overseer: Nope!

Boss: Hmm, that Conch song has been playing for days and is getting annoying, though all the fish seem to like it. Did you try changing up the music?

Overseer: Not me, sir!

Boss: How about the lights- There is dark or bright lights, can you help with the lighting to match the fish’s preference?

Overseer: No, sir!

Boss: So, what DID you do all day?

Overseer: Well, I sat here, smile, and look like a pretty decoration. Sometimes I glow a little. I’m really good at sitting still, don’t you think? Wherever you put me, there I will be!

Boss: Uh, yeah, great.

Overseer: I now give you this awesome gift! Ta-daaaa! I know you are a man, but thought you would just love this green dress, woman’s top and matching shoes! Aren’t they so pretty? Teehee!

Boss: Thanks, O righteous overseer.

Overseer:

Boss: Overseer?

Overseer: Yes, sir?

Boss: You’re FIREEeeeeeeeeed-duh!

Overseer: Thanks Boss! ^^

Back in the real ,
er ,
imaginary world of gaiaonline ..
I think the Overseer is ..
much less naive..
yess.. not so innocent..
I think that they lay in waiting..
waiting..
for that opportune moment..
when you turn your back,
and then..
they..
KILL YOUR FISH!
OMG!?
That’s its purpose.
Death.
Muhahahaha!

Then, once your fish is dead,
they hand it over to Barrett.
I think those two have a deal going, they do..!
Check this out..
Like, the overseer gets a commission off every fish sold, which propigates why they are able to give you “free” items every day.
Another thing..
How do Barrett and the overseer conspire to have more fish sold for Gaia cash? Simple, they KILL them from people’s tanks..! O.o. Nuuuuu! Ahhh!! Buy new fish to replace the ones that died! Hahahahaaaa!

How is it done, you may ask? How do they kill your fish? As we know, the overseer doesn’t have weapons of sorts, at least not functional ones. Like the rest of gaia items, there are only used as fashionable accessories, and have no use or power in zOMG for example.. Useless props!

But, we suspect that Overseers may have learned a magic trick, that which turns your fish into an item drop when you’re away long enough for the spell to work itself through..
Yep, that’s what I think.
The dead fish doesn’t drop an item, that poor fish *IS* the item! Omg!
When you visit your tank often enough, I would guess this negates itself so they can’t kill it, unless it dies of natural old age or whatevers.

Really! Has anyone actually EVER seen a fish DIE outright and drop the item before your eyes?! No!? And where did the body of the fish go? We never see that floaty dead fish carcass in our tank, do we? No! We don’t!

This is because it was the overseer who did it to them, oh yes!
Sneaky little bugger.
Look, is that item your fish “dropped” worth the cash price a new fish would cost? Likely? Well maybe in some rare occasion, but mostly no, you guessed it is probably just a low cost item you could buy with a few gold. Such a waste! Think about it, your poor fish, transformed into a silly item! OMG!
I’d much rather have a living fish!

So, where did the value of your fish go? Do you want to buy a fish for 50 gaia cash, feed it daily until dead, and get a sweater worth 2 gold when it goes belly up?!?

Am I just being unrealistic and cynical? Well, do the math, all that money has to go somewhere, eh? Yes, indeedy! I think I might know where it goes..

That old overseer, is it holding out on us, perhaps? Why doesn’t it always give us rare highly expensive gaiacash items? Evolving items? Pets? I haven’t seen it give anything like that. There doesn’t seem to be much incentive to maintain your aqaurium then, eh?

Of course I have an idea where your gaia money goes.. Maybe the overseer is pocketing it! Yah! Or splitting the profits with Barrett! Think about it, it’s your tank, right, but he ALWAYS knows that your fish have died wayyyy before you find out! And why doesn’t that girl ever show up, she just hangs out at the store day in and day out.. Maybe she is in on it, maybe just a happless minion of Barrett.. Perhaps just his cover? Who knows!

See? You can just imagine how far this conspiracy must go!

To prove my point, let’s review a few simple facts.. What happens when you raise or lower the temperature to extreme, does the overseer help? No, they sit and wait.

Ok, what if you don’t login and feed your fish, does the overseer help you out and watch over things? No! Of course not! It just sits and waits, the silent predator, for your fish to die.

How about if the music is wrong for your fish, or the light not optimum, does it comment, does it advise? Heck no! It will observe and wait, smiling back at you while your fish sense their impending unhappy doom.

Now, I know the days of things in my tank are numbered, right, and if the overseer was doing their job, and not just “doing a job on us” then all would be well. They would help oversee the health of your tank, but really, they just don’t care. And why fricken loamflakes.. What’s a loam anyway and how do its flakes end up to look like pellets or tiny oil barrels? Maybe they are poisoned, and that’s why your pixel fish have such short lifespans!?

Also, I think the overseer feeds off people’s fish and loamflakes itself.. For instance, if your tank is empty, then the overseer loses interest and goes to taunt others instead. Why..? Because it only goes to where there are fish to cash in on, and free grub to eat (or poison!)

Can we rid ourselves of the overseer?

No, currently, there seems no way to kill it.

Can we trap or cage the Overseer in our tank?

Hmm, no, can’t figure a way to imprison the overseer, but if there was, I just wonder what sort of treasure trove of items it would drop!?

You can remove it from your tank, even sell it perhaps in the marketplace, but we are bribed daily by it, so even though it is quite useless in other ways, the constant supply of goodies (and hopes for the occasional rare or useful item) keep us coming back.. Like an addiction this is how it ropes you in! But oh, at what price does this ultimately cost us? Hmm…